When we bought the Villa Underclass, Mrs. Underclass and myself got a company in to install some log-burning stoves.
We also took the advice of our insurers in the application of reasonable security precautions, particularly in respect of the back of the house.
It now turns out that neither of these was a good idea, because as a result we now evidently risk having the house turned over by police looking for a cannabis farm.
One wonders whether this is merely to do with the police having such a superstitious faith in the joss-like infallibility of the thermal imager that they put two and two together to come up with an wholly incorrect answer, or perhaps with an increasing predisposition among the officers of the state to step very hard upon anyone who so much as looks, even in the far infra-red, in any way different.
Does anyone have any idea how to grow cannabis? If we’re going to be arrested for it anyway then I suppose, with the spring approaching, we might as well get something planted…
Under global warming, it ought just to grow normally in the garden. (Please don’t ask me, I’m not a botanist! OK?)
An acquaintance of mine, he said, disingenuously, was said to have known someone who had a splendid crop once in the (very large and secluded) greenhouse at his former abode. Did away with the tomatoes and cucumbers and all that and just grew hemp-plants. My God, they went up to the roof and pressed against the glass, or so I am informed. Apparently, and I could well be wrong, this friend’s friend kept the growing tips (maximum THC in the meristem, you see) and flogged off the rest. It seems also that putting that whitewash stuff on the glass is not a bad idea these days in case the council’s helicopter comes a-snooping.
Not that I have the slightest personal knowledge of any of this, you understand. It’s all hearsay.
David, I have seen hemp growing in the wild. It’s not unknown in southern England, especially during hot summers. I used to visit a local sewage works (yes, I know) for botanizing & bird-watching. A disused gravel pit was used as a dump for solid matter arriving in the sewer — which included certain illicit materials, including, obviously, seeds which had started their journey just as men in uniform were knocking at the door.
I now know of two people who tried this (both, I believe, as what they supposed to be a fundraiser rather than as the result of their own devotion to substances) and in each case, by whatever horticultural process, they obtained a number of impressive plants in ordinary garden beds; in each case, however, as the plants neared the point at which they ought to be harvested, they all mysteriously disappeared.
Interesting.
That did not happen to plants which I “saw” in a location in about 1970. I “believe that” the ones I “saw” had been correctly harvested.
You need a gro-lamp which nowadays no doubt you have to register at the nursery over there when you buy it, or so I expect anyway from reading The Landed Underclass and An Englishman’s Castle all the time now. If you need more of course Mrs LUC can go get one for herself. Only be sure to go to another nursery (this will help to confuse the police.) This is sort of penny ante though and won’t make you rich like Sir Fred or somebody. So I would borrow all of the driving licences, er, licenses from off of all of my friends that I could (the ones that aren’t actual anarchists and just plain drive I mean!) and then do a kind of road trip. Probably instead of having a load of gro-lamps in your vehicle though (so as not to confuse the police), you should mail them one by one to your friends’ houses and then give them all (your buddies) back their DLCs when you get them all (the dope lights) off of them all (your buddies) later….
There’s forums for it, I think. That’s what my friend’s granny’s second cousin’s cocker spaniel says, anyway. I had a look at some, but most of the posts appear to be written in a form of English rather less penetrable than that featured on lolcatz. Yanartamean, bro.
Moi vavorite vlowers is turmots.
[Broccoli Bill]
Me? I likes jonnijumbubs!