Fido the Dog gives the iPhone both barrels:
I have been meaning to lay into this over rated icon of shittiness for a while now.
Listing, at considerable length, the shortcomings of this device.
I’ve never owned one myself, and don’t intend to. I am too old a techie not to be able to spot a fashion-craze when I see one. It doesn’t surprise me in the slightest that it consists primarily of designer box and hype. Back in the old days, when ‘hi-fi’ actually meant something, we used to call this then rare but now regrettably common design phenomenon ‘Bang and Olufsen syndrome’ (start by designing a beautiful box, then settle for whatever contents will fit in it).
I do actually own a mobile phone. It is, I believe, a Nokia of some kind. A friend of mine gave it to me as scrap, and the mobile phone shop over in Bleak put a new whatsit in it to make it work. It has a curious fault on its screen and the battery doesn’t last long. The mains charger is wiggy and so usually I get Mrs. Underclass to charge it up using a car charger while she drives to work. Usually I leave it at home; occasionally I mislay it for days on end (phoning it to locate it doesn’t work because by the time I realise I haven’t got it, the battery is flat again). I last put call credit on it about six or seven months ago, I think. I suppose before long the bastards will want another fifteen quid or whatever. Rip off.
The true purpose of my mobile phone is so that people can phone me up if I am in the town to tell me to fetch something that wasn’t on the shopping list. Its declared purpose is that I was advised by the doctors to carry one, “in case anything happens”. How, when one is in the grip of a heart attack, one is expected to retain one’s equanimity for long enough to complete the ritual struggle with the tiny buttons and even tinier text I’m not entirely sure.
Mobile phones are an extremely mixed blessing and if for any reason I am to carry an wholly insecure comms device which, 99.99% of the time, does nothing but trace my movements for the government, ballast a pocket, and possibly act as an audio bug as well, then I would prefer the said device to have the following technical features:
1. Disposable cheapness
2. Confusing, intelligence-thwarting trail of ownership and use
3. Density (so that it reliably sinks when thrown in a canal).
My present one, whatever kind it really is, seems to have these features and so I’m not thinking of changing it in the foreseeable future. But if I do, I promise I won’t buy an iPhone.
THESE dumb bastards over here ALL drive while texting and gabbng and otherwise fiddly —ing around with these things, I think the cops should each be allowed to blow one (1) to Hell per day…to relieve their feelings at the general contempt and dislike normally (and quite rightly) directed their way.
Ah, but that’s the American solution. The British solution (which, naturally, is cheaper) involves putting a fellow of the Professor type in a Hut until he comes up with something which the Home Guard can make out of SPAM cans (we have for some time relied to a certain extent on technology importation) which will cause the entire system to cease to give any further technical satisfaction.